In the last couple of days I have done 5 cattle grids (it would have been six but I went round 1), several speed humps, three speed bumps (different from humps because you can’t get round them) and 4 squeezy chicanes. I think that really, with all this rough riding, I now qualify for a course with Mr Ed Oxley and his Great Rock. He has an intriguing course called Stop Crashing which is apparently not for beginners, but for experienced crashers. You can opt for Stop Crashing 1 or Stop Crashing 2, the first presumably being for those who weren’t put off by crashing in the first place and the second for those super determined people who I am scared of because they are scared of nothing. I am going to ring Ed and ask if I can skip to the Stop Crashing 2 course because it has a section entitled “having more fun riding bikes than is humanly possible”. Anything that is not humanly possible but is done by humans is obviously very intriguing and I think this sort of thing might help my slowly withering 30 day motivation levels. I do of course irreverently jest. Ed is a legend in mountain biking which even I do realise is completely different to road biking and I am simply not worthy really to even jest. Do check out his website – its rather splendid.
So – speed humps and bumps on route 66. Who’s idea of a good time was that? As regular readers (ha ha ha ha I am not really kidding myself that we have any of those!) will know, last year I did have my bottom measured by the lovely Alan at Blazing Saddles and he also supplied me with some particularly attractive shorts with pink padded inserts which, if turned inside out, makes me look like I have udders. I tend not to wear them this way as its not a good look. Despite all this padding and moulding to my “sit bones” which seem to be tucked a long way “up”, I am still a tadge tender on my 7th day of riding. Speed humps really don’t help. As for the speed bumps on a farm track/bridleway which I hit at some speed (well for me anyhow) whilst dreamily admiring the view instead of looking at the road in front of me – well they just left me airborne and screaming – although thankfully I landed fairly squarely and so I don’t yet qualify for Ed’s “Stop crashing” course as I have not yet crashed.
Finally on this subject, to whomever has resurfaced route 66 between Luddendenfoot and Mytholmroyd since April of last year – my ample bosom thanks you enormously. It is so lovely and smooth…the route that is….not my…… 🙂